Dear New Zealand rugby commentators

I know you probably expected your lads to stuff les Francais, but you still could have bothered to learn the French players' names. Vincent Clerc is not Cedric Heymans and vice versa. And Bastareaud has got a name, along with several other players who didn't get given a soubriquet.

Also, please tell the crowd that the 'done' thing at rugby matches is complete silence when the opposition players are taking a penalty kick or conversion.

Yrs grumpily

Mylodon